Everyone I know has already announced their lofty new years resolutions. From running marathons with their 12-year-old son or fundraising $1.2 million for their tech startup, I applaud my friends while I’m (happily) trapped in my room making sure my petty cat doesn’t kill her new younger brother.
While 2021 and 2022 have been thematic years for distress and disruption, many have used last year to regain control and win back time by doing as much as you can with as many people in many places as possible.
That was chaotic and fun, but I’m gonna be honest…
I. am. so. tired.
To give myself grace on setting new intentions, I’m not giving myself a deadline on reaching certain milestones. Instead, I’m embodying a flexible yet thoughtful mindset on what, why and how I’m redistributing my focus.
So, I’ve been doing things a little differently lately because traditional new year resolutions never worked for me. Rather than living off the fumes of attractive ambitions, I’m taking bite-sized chunks of a few hearty intentions.
Find Pillars of Focus
Thematic pillars have helped me develop deeper focus to keep my eyes on the things that matter most. Shifting my mindset from limiting goals around work, family, or fitness, I sat down to write about what brings me joy, what brings me satisfaction, and what values are most crucial. Three main themes emerged: Wellness, Growth, and Play.
After more reflection, I expanded and refined my pillars into binary reflections of each other in regard to Journey vs Outcome. In other words, how could I shape lasting perspectives on key themes while I roam free in process to pursue progress?
Wellness → Health
Wellness covers everything to keep your mind, body and spirit alive and aligned. In my early 20s, I’d dismiss healthy habits and pride myself in functioning off a diet of espresso, mezcal, and fried rice (which actually is still three of my favorite things). But as I’m entering my 30s, I’m keenly aware of how my habits affect my mood and energy.
Drinking too much coffee too fast makes me jittery and anxious. Skipping journaling holds my thoughts hostage for the day and prevents focus. Drinking my favorite cocktails without water hits…different. “I have never felt hangovers like this”.
So I’m focusing on ease and consistency to enhance my physical, social, and mental health. But rather than trying to define a specific milestone, I’m setting the intention for consistency.
Physical Health
Boxing & working out 3x/week (a great byproduct of this leads me to drinking less alcohol because I don’t want to feel like sh*t if I plan on working out)
Meal-prepping once a week (still eating fried rice, obviously)
Less coffee & whiskey and more water & *cough* sparkling wine
Social Health
Saying no to people, events, and aspirations that don’t serve me
Replacing Instagram scrolling with Substack engagement
Talking to one family member at least once a week
Mental Health
Attending therapy twice a month
Morning rituals include journaling and a short meditation
Reading a nonfiction book (for growth) in tandem with a fiction book (for pleasure)
From meditation and therapy, to working out and cooking for people I love, all of these are part of the journey that’ll lead to my overall health & happiness. The more I keep at it, the more I’ll naturally enhance my wellness. Also, I actually have health insurance for the first time in years so I’m taking advantage of this shiny new benefit (aka annoying my PCP with a plethora of questions about cancer screenings and deviated septums).
Play → Exploration
As we get older, the idea of play often dies with our childhood. But that shouldn’t be the case. Playfulness and exploration are essential elements for a full life, and it even stretches our creativity.
I found the things that make me most happy and refuel my energy for other work revolves around delicious food, deep connections, and delightful adventures.
Cooking new dishes and refining familiar recipes
Finding new happy hours with people I (actually) want to see
Visiting more parks and landscapes over cities
Planning for big international trips (Canary Islands, South Korea & Italy)
Expanding harness training for my cats for more outdoor activities
Reading, writing, and sharing more stories
The intention behind this one is simple: joy. The small moments, the unexpected nuggets and the “because I want to” energy is feeding me towards feeling joy. I’m relishing in the journey.
Growth → Learning
“Trees fall with spectacular crashes. But planting is silent and growth is invisible.” - Richard Powers, The Overstory
If I’m not learning anything new, I feel stagnant. So I’d fill my calendar with meetings and pursue new courses because I thought I should. But in reality, they just filled up my time and made me feel important as opposed to filling my cup and making me feel impactful.
To be more thoughtful with my actions, so I’m routinely checking in on what my values are and what areas I need want to nurture. This helps my decision-making in choosing events, finding courses, and creating bonds by vetting them through relevance. Here’s what I’m focusing on:
Relationships
Family → choosing to visit my siblings over spontaneous trips to new cities
Friends → setting low-pressure dates to catch up with people I look forward to seeing
Self → time-blocking nights for just me, myself & I, whether it’s
The outcome I want: deeper understanding of myself, who I gravitate to, and why
Skills
Career → UX research&writing & product management through course-learning + implementation
Creativity → design & drawing + writing [publicly] + typography
Knowledge
Career → Market trends & tech developments through research and conversations
Creativity → cooking + reading + writing [privately] + traveling
The subtle difference between Skills-based vs Knowledge-based learning is that the former is goal-driven while the latter is curiosity-driven. And the outcome? To be a better team member, to positively impact my community, and to create beautiful things.
Continuous growth will forever be an essential value of mine. It’s so gratifying to feel yourself stretch into foreign fields and practice new concepts, but I also know it’s a lifelong journey that needs consistent watering.
Rituals vs Routines
While routines are configured to enhance efficiency and optimize productivity, rituals are a softer, gentler cousin who cares more about you’re feeling vs what you’re doing.
To carve out time for myself and set the tone for the day, I’ve built a morning ritual that suits me:
Stretch to get the blood and body flowing as I put on a favorite song
Meditate to quell my mind and find balance with a candle lit nearby me
Journal to shed cluttered thoughts as I drink my coffee or tea
Affirmations to set intentions for the day as I play with the cats
Ideally, I’ll get up an hour before I leave the house to take time for these 4 key rituals.
Rest & Reflect
Sometimes, our biggest obstacles are the ones we create for ourselves. The same thoughts and actions aren’t going to give you what you need for the future. With that in mind, constant reflection is crucial for you to progress forward.
Because here’s the hidden kicker to all of this: it’s okay to change your mind.
After weeks, months or years of practicing these intentions, I could wake up one day and realize I don’t want to do any of this anymore. As long as I understand why I’m feeling this way and spend time on figuring out what will be better for me, it’s totally natural to want different things. Just make sure you don’t make it a habit of task-switching your lifelong dreams to a point of emotional whiplash.
But if we want a different outcome, we need different ingredients. For me, I started with these notions:
Trim the fat. The predictable networking events, the free happy hours, the random parties, and forced meetings–what I thought was productivity was just busyness that distracted me from the things that I actually wanted to do.
Shed old connections. We grow, we evolve, we change. And sometimes, those around us…don’t. It’s okay to take a step back from relationships that don’t serve you anymore, especially if they’re holding you back to who you were vs who you want to become.
Carve out time to rest. Yes, you need to schedule time to literally do nothing, especially if you’re one of those high-performers who believe. How else will you get a chance to reflect and recharge?
Start small, then build.
New Year, Still You
When it’s all said and done, you don’t automatically turn into a “New You.” You’re still the same person you were a month ago, but maybe you’ve found some time to reflect on where you are and where you want to go.
Or, maybe you don’t need to change up anything at all, and that’s okay. Because doing less doesn’t mean you are less. It means you get to do more of fewer things to compound on the areas that bring you the most joy, pleasure, and satisfaction.
This time of year is notorious for public boasts on who’s on the path of becoming a better human, but these ambitious goals sometimes never leave our shelves of dreams. Instead, they’re often left hoping to see slivers of daylight as we crack open the door to show our friends who at best become mildly impressed with our dusty aspirations. Stop suffocating your dreams. Let them out, roam free, and evolve into something that makes sense to you without outside opinion.
As you’re stepping into the new year, don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t prepared a 12-step resolution package to show off on social media. Rather than pursuing grandiose goals, focus on the purpose behind the action.
And although January 1st has already passed, don’t worry about the arbitrary deadline. Take as much time as you need, create small steps, find time to reflect, and most importantly, have fun.
If you enjoyed this post and know someone who may need a gentle nudge, feel free to share!
Special thanks to
for the tight edits & shoutout to + for their unexpected yet timely content to motivate me to publish.
Love this so much and love seeing your growth over the past couple years! More "because I want to” energy in 2024. I mapped out my visions and goals for 2024 by life area, and now I'm curious if I can bring your pillars framework into it to point the goals toward a north star for the year.
This was a great read! Adding value with no expectations and finding clarity in simplicity are 2 themes I want to carry throughout 2024