Before 2019, my idea of professional networking was tasting Moroccan wines, sharing tips about perfecting the Ramos gin fizz cocktail, and trying to go shot-for-shot with chefs to prove my insolence–which I was really good at.
Then after the restaurant industry burnt me out, I flipped a career switch and spent two years abroad as a digital freelancer, where I flourished by leaning on virtual conversations and reliable referrals.
So, when I moved to Tulsa, OK, to pause my travels and focus on growth, I was aggressively intimidated by the idea of “proper” networking.
But I convinced myself that this was normal.
This is what normal people did and what I needed to do to boost my freelancing career.
Going to new events as a newcomer was daunting, as if every interaction you have and introduction you make will be remembered and mocked, thanks to the hidden stenographer transcribing every awkward conversation verbatim.
The idea of being thrown in a fluorescent-lit room with polite, white collar professionals with printed name tags who ask me what I do rather than who I am was a situation I dreaded week after week.
So to assuage my anxiety, I copy-and-pasted others’ tactics to fit in, hold courteous conversations, and be seen as an industry expert.
I made sure to pocket freshly-printed business cards, prepare some shiny lines with impressive-sounding keywords, remember three industry metrics, and practice my best inviting-yet-dignified smile.
And it worked.
The more events I attended, the more people I met, the more leads I gained, and I was getting more confident in selling my services, my time, and more importantly, myself. I perfected my pitch, snagged multiple meetings, and was able to boost my hourly rate by 80%, 100%, and 150% over the coming months.
Watching the dollars pour in and my calendar stack up with new consultations and follow-up calls made me feel like the work I was putting in mattered.
But the high didn’t last long.
Although I became skilled at navigating corporate events, I grew resentful and couldn’t figure out why, until I realized that the same connections I chased ended up being the most dull, draining, or difficult clients I worked with.
My days were stacked with repetitive work and although I stayed busy, I didn’t feel productive.
I was getting paid well, but the monetary rewards weren't enough to refuel my energy. I began to second guess my decisions and became unmotivated to push through projects.
As I retreated back within myself to recharge and reflect, I at least kept up a consistent habit to show up at the coworking space to find focus and meet new people.
That space ended up being an entrepreneurial hub for locals.
I ended up developing real connections with coworking members as we crossed paths in early mornings or late evenings, acknowledging each other's unspoken work ethic as we slowly opened up more to one another through stories.
Our conversations (thankfully) evolved from sharing birth locations and favorite lunch spots to comparing multigenerational trauma, questioning perspectives on absolute truth, and even debating key factors of human potential.
And one late evening, after weeks of getting to know one another, one of the members asks me, “So what are you working on?”
I share that I’m developing email copy for a client whom I wasn’t too fond of.
“You sound reallll excited,” he comments with a laugh.
“It pays the bills,” I reply.
“Is that the type of work you want to be doing? Work that ‘pays the bills’?”
I was too tired to be defensive and just shrugged.
“So, you write copy? We actually need a writer on the team.”
I raised my eyebrows and for the first time in a long time, I asked a familiar question with genuine curiosity: “What do you do?”
He was the founder and CEO of a tech startup where they support underrepresented founders through incubation, accelerator programming, and a proprietary assessment tool to help them build teams.
Their mission was to bolster diverse talent to prompt innovation that was only possible through cross-cultural collaboration. And upon pivoting to Tulsa in post-pandemic times, he was taking his time to form his own local team and was looking for a copywriter to help rebrand their website.
I was hooked.
We ended up talking for two more hours and scheduled a time to meet the next day where he broke down his vision for ACT House.
Not only did the mission of this company align with every value I held dear, but I finally felt like I knew where I wanted to work towards, rather than work for.
Four days later, I met his remote team who happened to be in town, and three weeks later, I signed a contract to work with them.
The best part?
There was no sales pitch.
We didn’t even talk about money for the first couple of weeks and while that may sound naive to some, it felt refreshing to me.
After spending months trying to iterate and refine a tried-and-true formula to gain revenue, I realized that it wasn’t the way I wanted to progress if I wanted a long-term tactic.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, money is g-r-e-a-t.
But it means little if the work that you’re committing to depletes you physically, emotionally, and creatively.
The slow, natural burn of getting to know people on an intimate level proved that nurturing those connections bore more fruit than pursuing them for profit.
Today, I’m with ACT House full-time.
My role has evolved from a contracted copywriter to Head of Insights, where I get to contribute more than existing formulas to explore, investigate, and be challenged to pour myself into work that awakens my spirit.
If you want to expand your network, don’t stress about going to every event to meet all the people because you’re going to hate it.
Focus on making one real connection first.
Collaboration will happen naturally, and eventually, the money will follow.
Ahh great essay Maria! Your musings on business networking were very relatable. As a business student who went to networking sessions out of compulsion, I felt so many of the same things.
I loved, "My days were stacked with repetitive work and although I stayed busy, I didn’t feel productive." I always battle with making sure I'm being productive rather than just busy.
It's so interesting how the real connections, the meaningful ones, can't be forced but rather emerge serendipitously.
I also really resonated with: "Money is g-r-e-a-t... But it means little if the work that you’re committing to depletes you physically, emotionally, and creatively." I've thought a lot about how to find this balance in my life.
Amazing work :)
Love it! I've been thinking this lately - "If it's not easy, maybe you're doing it wrong."